Mind Over Media: Developing healthy
relationships

Child health, child development, neuroscience, psychiatry and psychology professionals agree that the development of a close relationship with a child’s primary caregiver is crucial to that child’s healthy development. The development of this first close relationship will affect the way the child forms relationships later in life. In addition, some researchers consider that patterns of relationships formed early in life directly affect the development of the brain, and therefore the individual’s ability to organise emotions and respond to stress later in life (Siegel, 1999, p. 4).

Relationships and the media

The types of media of most relevance in discussing relationships and very young children are television, videos and computer games.

Australian children begin watching television from an early age, with an average of 44 minutes at four months, building to two and a half hours by four years (RACP, 2004). Contrast this with the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommendation that children under the age of two should watch no television at all. For older children, the AAP recommends no more than one to two hours per day of quality screen time (AAP, 1999).

There are two main points to consider with respect to the media for each stage of a preschooler’s life:

• the amount of media consumed. The primary problem with excessive use of the media in the preschool years, is that neither a television nor a computer alone, is able to relate to a child in a way that will foster the healthy development of relationships, or provide the ‘give and take’ of language
• quality of media consumed. Between the ages of two and five, there are many quality television programs and computer games that, used in moderation, can contribute to a child’s development of relationships.
  

Infants (0–1 years)

One of the infant’s most important developmental needs is for the development of a secure, trusting relationship with their primary caregivers. It is important that they learn that their emotions will be responded to and that they can influence what their primary caregivers do for them.

It has been shown that infants prefer human stimuli, such as language and song, over other things. Babies have an innate response which makes them seek out people’s faces and turn towards them as soon as they are able. Most adults instinctively like to hold, comfort, rock, sing and talk to infants—this forms the best kind of stimulation for young children’s growing brains.

Infants generally form their first secure attachment in their first year of life, and this attachment is important for the development of social competence, a sense of self, confidence to explore and other fundamental skills.

Another important factor in an infant’s development is contingent, or collaborative communication.

Infants, the media and healthy relationships

“The infant who has learned that he can engage his parent in play and make objects do what he wants them to do acquires a fundamental belief in his ability to affect the world around him” (NRCIM, 2000, p.90).

Television is not capable of collaborative communication and cannot give appropriate emotional responses, As such it is a very poor babysitter for infants and can hinder rather than help their most important developmental task, that of attachment to their primary caregiver.

The following are examples of how an infant might ‘expect’ their needs to be met, how collaborative communication assists them, and the shortcomings of the media to fulfil this role.

“If I am hungry and cry, Mum will usually pick me up and feed me”

• Infants learn that they can influence what happens to them.
• Visual media does not respond to an infant’s expressions of their needs. The child’s earliest experiences that they have the personal power to affect their environment may be compromised.
• Responses from visual media may be inconsistent, which tell the infant that their world is unreliable and not to be trusted. Absent responses could leave them feeling abandoned.

“If I smile at Dad, he will smile back” “If I frown, he will speak with a soothing voice and cuddle me”

• Caregivers generally take the lead of the infant as they engage with them. This is important for the infants’ developing sense of relationships.
• Attempting to elicit emotional responses from a television set or computer will fail. This can be very confusing for infants and very young children.

“If I look away when my carer talks to me, they will stop talking to me and put me down in quiet place to rest.”

• Infants need to be able to indicate when they are tired and want to rest from further interactions.
• Television is intrusive and can overload neural circuitry. The infant can’t switch off the images and rest when they have had enough.

“These pictures are scary and there is no-one here to keep me safe; the world is a very unsafe place.”

• ‘Unresponsive relational trauma’ is when a traumatic event in an infant’s life is accompanied by a lack of response on the part of the caregiver. This is known to have a significant negative impact on the development of the right brain of the child.
• Exposure to violent and scary visual images on television could possibly constitute ‘unresponsive relational trauma’ for infants and toddlers.
• If exposure to violent and scary visual images is combined with absence of the carer or unresponsiveness on their part, the child is at risk of learning that the world is unsafe.

An infant’s need for collaborative communication from their caregivers can be compromised if the caregivers are so involved in a television program that is on ‘in the background’, that they fail to respond consistently and appropriately to their child’s immediate needs. This could influence what the infant learns about relationships.

Toddlers (1–3 years)

“The toddler who has learned that the people she depends on for comfort will help her when she is distressed is more likely to approach others with empathy and trust than the toddler whose worries and fears have been dismissed or belittled” (NRCIM, 2000, p.90).

Some of the following developmental tasks that toddlers are engaged in are:

• further developing their attachment relationships
• developing a sense of independence of action, and feelings of competence
• forming ‘friendships’—it is important that they have the opportunities for social learning that comes from play with peers.

Toddlers, the media and healthy relationships

At about the ages of 18–24 months, toddlers begin to actually pay attention to what is on television, showing sustained and focused attention, whereas prior to this time, it seems that they are not able to distinguish real programs from randomly moving forms and sounds (Anderson & Evans, 2001).

Toddlers will benefit from exposure to complex environments. Older toddlers and preschoolers may benefit from viewing more complex worlds on nature shows etc. Of course, they will benefit even more, where possible from a visit to the zoo, a marine boardwalk or a museum.

As their language development is rapid and imitative, it is best to choose programs carefully, and avoid adult programs that use derogatory terms and model disrespectful relationships. Rather, select programs that provide positive models of respectful and empathic relationships.

Toddlers begin to be susceptible to the message that violence is a solution to interpersonal conflict as well as the ‘normality’ of physical or verbal abuse. Forming the view that violence is a normal part of life can begin in the toddler years.

Preschoolers (3–5 years)

“The preschooler who has routinely cuddled into an adult’s lap and read books before going to bed is more likely to enter kindergarten with a keen interest in reading” (NRCIM, 2000, p.90).

Older preschoolers are very busy people and their developmental tasks include:

• further developing relationships with primary caregivers, learning more complex aspects of how to relate to others
• imaginary play (sociodramatic or “make-believe”), is very important at this age, in that it provides opportunities for enhancement of all aspects of development, physical, social, emotional and cognitive. For example, when children take on roles in socio-dramatic play they learn to put themselves in another persons place thereby fostering the growth of empathy. The ability to empathise is important to developing healthy relationships.
• playing with peers. Older preschoolers can start to apply what they have already learnt about relationships from their family, to quite complex play with peers.

Preschoolers, the media and healthy relationships

Older preschoolers will benefit from watching television or videos, playing computer games or using the internet if you participate in the activity with them, responding to them and what they are doing or watching. In this way, you are building your relationship with them with activities that they enjoy and teaching them to be responsive as well.

Violent media can have a negative effect on this age group as they are learning how to relate. Children learn through imitation, and boys are particularly at risk of modelling themselves on the many attractive heroes in television and movies, who use violence to be successful and powerful.

Be mindful of what you are watching on television while your preschooler is with you, particularly if you find it absorbing. Indifference on the part of an adult when a child is attempting to connect can leave the child feeling isolated and alone.

Early brain research and child development

Neuroscience and early brain research, are now active contributors to child development theory and practice. However, their relevance and importance are still being debated by experts. You may hear concepts such as: ‘critical periods’, ‘plasticity’ and ‘enriched environments’ being debated. There is not universal agreement about the application of these concepts.

Nonetheless, a few facts about brain development may be of interest at this stage.

Conclusion

The most important thing caregivers can do to assist very young children to develop healthy relationships, is to communicate with them in a consistent and responsive way. As the child grows, caregivers can also assist them by providing them with many different experiences, helping them to feel secure as they explore, and providing them with some interpretation of their experiences.

The media can only play a small role in the development of relationships, as this is best learnt by relating to caregivers and peers. In fact, it is recommended that children under the age of two do not use the media at all, as it is not able to respond to them in a consistent or collaborative way. Between the ages of two and five, parents and caregivers may choose to watch television and play computer games with their preschooler, using the opportunity to respond to them, support them and demonstrate that their developing interests are valued.

References

• American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) (1999) Television — How It Affects Children (www.aap.org/healthtopics/mediause.cfm)
• Anderson, D.R. & Evans, M. K. (2001) “Peril and Potential of Media for Infants and Toddlers” in Zero to Three, October / November 2001
• Bailey, D.B., Bruer, J.T., Symons, F.J. & Lichtman, J.W. (eds.) (2001) Critical thinking about Critical Periods (Paul H. Brooks Publishing: Baltimore)
• Gentile, D.A. (ed.) (2003) Media Violence and Children (Praeger Publishing: USA)
• “Media education” Pediatrics Vol 104, No. 2 (August, 1999)
• National Research Council and Institute of Medicine (2000) From Neurons to Neighbourhood: The Science of Early Child Development (National Academy Press: Washington)
• Royal Australian Collect of Physicians (RACP) (2004) Children and the media: Advocating for the future: Paediatric policy (www.racp.edu.au/hpu/paed/index.htm)
• Siegel, D.J. (1999) The Developing Mind (Guilford Press: New York))
• Siegel, D.J. & Hartzell, M (2003) Parenting from the Inside Out (Jeremy P. Tarcher: New York)

Readings & research

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