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This topic describes some methods by which parents and caregivers
can assist children who have been disturbed by an experience with
the media.
Children may have been exposed to scary or violent material on
television, film or video. However, the events of September 11 have
brought to many people’s attention that children can also be traumatised
by being exposed to reports and images from frightening world events.
For each age group below there are tips for dealing with both kinds
of media trauma.
This topic describes how you can respond if your child has been
exposed to scary and violent media experience:
See also:
Some facts about children’s fear responses
to scary media
The reaction of children to scary or violent material will depend
to some extent on factors such as:
- individual personality traits such as their sensitivity, vividness
of their imagination, susceptibility to visual images, loud noises
or ‘mood provoking’ music
- the media on which the material has been viewed (on the big
screen or on a video)
- whether or not they are with trusted adults at the time.
In general though:
- fear is an intense concern or worry caused by real and/or imagined
danger
- children younger than five years old cannot always tell fantasy
from reality. Media depictions of attacks can be as scary as real
attacks
- all children, even the very young, have a sixth sense that enables
them to be aware of an adult’s fear and anxiety
- children will respond differently at different ages. See the
age specific information below.
- Some children will exhibit fear through behavior, not words.
Behaviours that could alert you to the fact that they may have
been exposed to scary material are crying, abnormal fussiness
or agitation, sleep disturbance, bed wetting, unusually clingy
behaviours and greater than normal sensitivity. At the extreme
end, there are documented cases of children being so traumatised
by viewing violent material that they have had to receive inpatient
psychiatric treatment.
General tips for helping children with
fear
If you are with your child at the time that they are exposed to
scary or violent material, the more immediate your response the
better, in the first instance calmly removing them from the situation.
Following this, or if you become aware that your child is reacting
to something they saw while you were not with them, the best overall
strategy is to acknowledge their fear and reassure them:
- take your cues from the child. Don’t assume they are more afraid
than they may be. Conversely, don’t assume that they are unaware
of what has happened.
- take their fears seriously. Don’t try to talk them out of it.
- respond calmly. Don’t exaggerate their fears by using extreme
language or by overreacting.
- answer their questions directly but don’t give them more information
than they are asking for or that they need
- provide physical reassurance with lots of hugs and touching
- make sure they know that it’s okay to ask questions
- manage the media diet of coverage according to their age.
Babies and toddlers
Provide assistance to your child as soon as possible after the
event in the following ways:
Scary or violent material on television, film or video
- understand that behaviour problems may be part of their response
and give extra reassurance and support
- give lots of physical reassurance.
Violent local or international events as shown on TV News or current
affairs programs
In addition to the general tips above, you can help your child
at these times in the following ways:
- shield babies and toddlers from media reports as much as possible
- be aware that it is very hard for young children to make sense
out of what they see and hear and this can make what they see
even more frightening.
- be aware that sensational and disturbing images may be repeated
many times and keep the TV and radio off while your children are
at home. Repeated viewings will only make the situation worse.
- try not to show your own anxiety because children will quickly
pick up your feelings and know there is something wrong. While
they won’t know exactly what is going on, very young babies and
toddlers may pick up a parent’s worry and anxiety with their “sixth
sense.”
Preschoolers
Provide assistance to your child as soon as possible after the
event in the following ways:
Scary or violent material on television, film or video
- listen to their feelings and encourage them to talk about them
- give lots of physical reassurance. Understand that the child
will need more comfort, especially at bedtime.
- keep to normal routines, which give young children a sense of
safety and security.
- give lots of opportunities to play, draw and paint (without
guiding them). This helps children to deal with feelings.
- understand that behaviour problems may be part of their response
and give extra reassurance and support.
Violent local or international events as shown on TV News or current
affairs programs
Preschoolers may be quite tuned in to what has happened. They have
probably heard or seen media reports and have probably heard others
discussing the events. Preschoolers are most concerned about their
own safety and the safety of their parents, relatives and friends.
They are not always able to distinguish between fantasy and reality.
In addition to the general tips above, you can help your child
at these times in the following ways:
- be aware that it is very hard for young children to make sense
out of what they see and hear and this can make what they see
even more frightening.
- be aware that sensational and disturbing images may be repeated
many times and keep the TV and radio off while your children are
at home. Repeated viewings will only make the situation worse.
- try not to discuss what has happened in front of the children
- calmly explain that what has happened is in another country
and a long way away and reassure them that they are still safe.
- acknowledge that something very scary has happened, but that
you and other adults will make sure they are safe. Let them know
that adults will figure out what is going on.
- try not to show your own anxiety because children will quickly
pick up your feelings and know there is something wrong.
Early primary school
Provide assistance to your child as soon as possible after the
event in the following ways:
Scary or violent material on television, film or video
School age children may still show worries through behaviour as
well as or instead of talking about them. They may show them by
not wanting to go to school, by behaviour problems or by physical
symptoms such as headaches or tummy aches.
A lot of the above suggestions for helping pre-school children
will still be appropriate for school age children. In addition:
- give them lots of opportunities to talk about their feelings
and their fears. Bedtime is often a good listening time.
- validate their feelings as real.
- let them know they can talk to you any time they are afraid.
Violent local or international events as shown on TV News or current
affairs programs
In addition to the general tips above, you can help your child
at these times in the following ways:
- a child of this age will be more aware of what is going on and
the reactions of other people. They will feel a great deal of
concern for their own safety and safety of family and friends.
- limit TV coverage. Visual images can have a powerful impact.
If they ask questions give them information without unnecessary
detail.
- it is important to be honest with them. Tell them what you know
about what happened without exaggerating or overreacting. Don’t
assume that they are too young to know what is going on.
- acknowledge that something very scary has happened.
- emphasise that they are safe and that adults will find out what
is happening.
- keep to routines that provide a sense of safety. Some things
you can do in the time when you usually watch TV might be playing
games, walking the dog, shopping, gardening, a bike ride things
that give your family a sense of togetherness.
- try to help them with their fears by talking through the issues
according to their age and understanding eg “Sad and scary things
do happen in the world but they are rare and there are lots of
sensible people who are working to stop things like this happening”.
- most of all think about your own response. Frightening world
events such as September 11 tap into our own sense of insecurity.
It is really important to hold on to the sane and down to earth
aspects of our daily life and this is what will make the world
feel safe for your children.
Upper primary school
A lot of the above suggestions for helping lower primary school
children will still be appropriate when they are in upper primary
school. In addition:
Scary or violent material on television, film or video
- it is still important to acknowledge and talk through their
feelings
- explore their capacity to start applying rational thinking to
what they have seen.
Violent local or international events as shown on TV News or current
affairs programs
In addition to the general tips above, you can help your child
at these times in the following ways:
- children this age will be very aware of what is going on. They
may be prone to exaggeration. Jokes or humour can mask fears for
this age group.
- talk to your child and answer any questions.
- acknowledge any feelings of fear, horror, and anger.
- provide comfort and reassurance.
- children this age will be more interested in details. Share
what you know but don’t overwhelm them.
- some children may act out scary feelings or may become more
withdrawn. Talk with them and ask them to tell you about their
feelings.
- use historical examples (e.g. World Wars, Challenger Space Shuttle,
etc.) to explain that bad things happen to innocent people but
as people and as a nation we go on with our lives and resolve
bad situations.
High School
Even young people can show their feelings by their behaviour and
may withdraw or become aggressive under stress. Provide assistance
in the following ways:
Scary or violent material on television, film or video
- it is important to react to the feelings behind the behaviour
rather than the behaviour itself
- discuss what they have seen and point out the tricks used to
achieve the effects
- respond to their feelings but also appeal to their rational
abilities to comprehend.
Violent local or international events as shown on TV News or current
affairs programs
In addition to the general tips above, you can help your child
at these times in the following ways:
- young people are very aware of what is happening in the world
and often very vulnerable
- it is important to talk about what has happened, to listen to
their feelings and share yours, but remember they are looking
to you and your response for their own sense of safety.
- remember that reactions to a crisis such as this may continue
or come back after the media response has died down
- young people in high school have probably already talked about
the attacks with friends. It is important to be honest with them
and let them know what is going on. This age may be glued to TV,
eager for news and details.
- acknowledge fear, sadness, and anger.
- some teens may also just block out the whole thing and refuse
to acknowledge that anything big has happened or that they care.
This often masks real fears and feelings of being overwhelmed.
- some teens may make jokes. Let them know it’s not funny without
lecturing them.
- some teens may be very interested in discussing issues that
this tragedy raises. Be willing to engage them in serious discussions.
- be careful to avoid placing blame on a whole group of people
or targeting particular groups.
- use historical tragedies as a basis for conversation. Talk to
your teen about how the situation may be resolved in terms of
rescue workers, governmental responses, foreign policy changes,
etc.
Managing your own response to
world tragedy
- it is important that adults also support each other. Talk about
your feelings with friends.
- remember that there are many, many people working together to
make the world a better place, and there will be many heroic deeds
happening during this crisis that will not be seen on TV but which
attest to the sane and good forces in the world
- keep up your usual routines and things you enjoy
- try not to watch too much TV!
- remember that you are the rock for your children no matter what
their age. If you keep calm and caring they will usually be OK.
- if necessary seek help—if you are worried about your own or
a child’s immediate or ongoing reactions seek professional help.
Useful links
Discussing
the News with 3 to 7 Year Olds: What to Do? (US)
Helping
Children Understand Crisis and Trauma (US)
Helping
Kids Handle Tragic Headlines - Dr Sears (US)
How
to Talk to Your Children About the News (US)
Talking
with Children about Violence - also on Spanish (US)
Talking
with Kids About the News - also on Spanish (US)
Books and articles
Cairns, E. & Dunn, J. (1996) Children & Political Violence
(Understanding Children’s Worlds) NY: Blackwells.
Cantor, J. (1998) Mommy, I'm scared: How TV and Movies Frighten
Children and What We Can Do to Protect Them (US: Harcourt Brace)
Carlsson-Paige, N. & Levin, D. (1998). Before Push Comes
to Shove: Building Conflict Resolution Skills with Children.
St. Paul: MN: Redleaf Press. [Companion children’s book: Best Day
of the Week by Carlsson-Paige.]
Carlsson-Paige, N. & Levin, D.E. (1990). Who’s Calling the
Shots? How to Respond Effectively to Children’s Fascination with
War Play, War Toys, and Violent TV. Gabriola Island, BC, CA:
New Society.
Deskin, G. & Steckler, G. (1996). When Nothing Makes Sense:
Disaster, Crisis, & Their Effects on Children. Minneapolis,
MN: Fairview Press.
Garbarino, J. (1996). Let’s Talk about Living in a World with
Violence. Chicago: Erikson Institute.
Garbarino, J. et al. (1991). No Place to Be a Child: Growing
Up in a War Zone. Lexington, MA: Lexington Books.
Keller, S.F. (1988). Good Grief: Helping Groups of Children
When a Friend Dies. Boston: New England Association for the
Education of Young Children.
Levin, D.E. (1994). Teaching Young Children in Violent Times:
Building a Peaceable Classroom. Cambridge, MA: Educators for
Social Responsibility.
Levin, D.E. (March/April, 1995). Understanding and Responding
to the Violence in Children’s Lives. Beginnings Workshop: Violence
in the Lives of Children; Child Care Information Exchange. 102,
34-38.
Levin, D.E. (1998). Remote Control Childhood: Combating the
Hazards of Media Culture. (Wash, DC: Nat‚ Assoc. for the Ed.
of Young Ch, 1998). [See Ch. 7: “When Pretend Meets Real, Responding
to Violence in the News”.]
Marsh, C. (1999) Tough Stuff: How to Talk to Kids about Disturbing
Contemporary Issues, including Sex in the White House, Guns at School,
Drugs Everywhere, War, and More. NY: Gallopade International.
Obiakor, F., Mehring, T. & Schwenn, J. (1997) Disruption,
Disaster, and Death: Helping Students Deal with Crises. Reston,
VA: Council for Exceptional Children.
Terr, L.C. (1990). Too Scared to Cry: Psychic Trauma in Childhood.
NY: Harper & Row.
Trozzi, Maria. (1999). Talking with Children about Loss: Words,
Strategies, and Wisdom to Help Children Cope with Death, Divorce,
and Other Difficult Times. Berkley Publishing Group, 1999.
From Diane Levin, Ph.D. Wheelock College, Boston, MA.; 617-879-2167;
dlevin@wheelock.edu
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